| Escalator Renovations |
[Nov. 23rd, 2005|01:32 pm] |
If this hoarding outside Green Park tube station is true, then why did it take them a whopping seventy-two weeks to fix the escalators at Baker St? Did they do them one at a time? Is there actually only one escalator renovator in the whole of old London town, dashing between underground stations, fixing escalators with a wave of his magic screwdriver?
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| I wonder how much they cost |
[Apr. 29th, 2005|01:29 pm] |
Sign outside one of the dodgy shops on Tottenham Court Road. It tickles me that they sell "Marital Aides". Do you think they just help in the bedroom, or will they do cooking and cleaning too? And do they wear suits?
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| The New Bagel Girl Confuses Me |
[Dec. 3rd, 2004|04:45 pm] |
Most mornings, I pop into Oi! Bagel as I pass through Marylebone station on my way to work, and buy myself a bagel and a coffee. Oi! Bagel has a very high turnaround of mostly foreign serving staff, and so it was no surprise that this morning I directed my order of a cinnamon and raisin, toasted with butter and jam, and a cappuccino please to an unfamiliar girl with a thick european accent.
"Anything else?"
I was caught slightly off guard by the question, because they usually ask it only if you haven't ordered coffee.
"Um... no thank you."
A bagel with butter and jam and a coffee costs £2.28. The same combination without the jam used to cost the same, but was recently reduced to £1.88, and so it occurred to me as she toasted my bagel that I didn't really want jam.
"Actually, could I have that with just butter, please?"
She nodded, and then asked me for payment. I had my hood up, because I am a gangsta and also because my ears get cold, and so I didn't really hear what she said, but I just gave her £2 and she gave me some change. I didn't bother checking it and just put it in my pocket as she buttered my bagel. Then she picked up the squirty jam bottle.
Confusion Point Number 1!
But I asked her not to give me any jam. And I didn't pay her enough for jam. What's going on?
"Sorry," I said, "I don't want any jam."
She stopped, looked at me, and then put the jam bottle down, sliced and bagged my bagel, and gave it to me. Then she went to the cash register, and got out 40 pence, which she gave to me. Then she stood there.
Confusion Point Number 2!
What? Why did she just give me money? And where's my coffee? Did she not hear me when I asked for a cappuccino? Is that why she asked me if I wanted anything else? Did I actually pay for jam but not coffee?
"Sorry," I said again, "Could I have a cappuccino as well, please?"
This time, there was no pause on her part. She just went and made me a cappuccino. She gave it to me and I got out some change to pay for it, but then she said something I didn't catch that didn't appear to be the cost of my reluctant cappuccino.
"Pardon?" I said, poking my ear out of my hood so I could hear better.
"Have a nice day," she repeated.
"Oh, thanks. You too."
Confusion Point 3!
So I don't have to pay for this cappuccino? Did I just get a free cappuccino? Why is this breakfast so cheap? What the heck is going on?
The new bagel girl confuses me. |
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| Smarter than the Average Tag |
[Sep. 1st, 2004|02:37 pm] |
It's not just sticker tag art that I love. This guy is my current favourite. This one's just off Tottenham Court Road, but there's plenty scattered about London.
He's a bear! Watch out! He could kill you with one swipe of his mighty paw! (Paw not included.) |
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| Yahoo not too bright |
[Aug. 16th, 2004|06:03 pm] |
Another one I've been meaning to upload for a while...
This "Found" ad campaign from Yahoo has a fairly good concept. Make the adverts actually relevant to their placement.
They're totally let down by their poor choice of hypothetical searches, however. Declaring there to be "Cumulonimbus" where actually there is a beautifully clear blue sky is understandable, given the typical British summer, but this one in Southwark tube station - pointing exactly to the opposite of the direction you'd have to take to get to Waterloo, only one stop along the Jubilee line - is just woefully inept. |
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| Grumpy Sticker Head |
[Aug. 16th, 2004|05:48 pm] |
Been meaning to upload this guy for months. Can't remember where we spotted him, now. In London somewhere. I've since seen a few more, in various places.
I'm all about sticker tag art. |
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| The Kids Are Alright |
[Nov. 3rd, 2003|09:51 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | halloween, kids, london | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Monday Morning | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | dj shadow - best foot forward | ] |
This Halloween, for the fourth year running, I waited in expectantly all night, bucket of ice-cold water to the ready, and no trick or treaters came. Not a one!
I guess the kids in London are all too busy nicking cars.
Just kidding. The kids in my area don't nick cars.
They're all too busy mugging OAPs.
Hahaha no... I'm kidding again. OAPs don't carry mobile phones.
Schoolkids are far more profitable prey. |
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| The Mass Transit System That Cried Wolf |
[Oct. 8th, 2003|06:08 pm] |
Twice in the past seven days, I have arrived at Baker Street tube station on my way home, to find the noticeboards warning of delays on the Jubilee line (signal failures, natch). Both times, I approached a member of staff and asked whether I'd be better off taking the Bakerloo line south, with the slight extra walk that entails. They said, "Oh, the delays aren't that bad. Nothing to worry about," and so I continued along the detoured route down the escalators to the Jubilee line (2 yrs of repairs and counting) where I had to wait one and three minutes for a train, respectively.
Trains on the Jubilee line are supposed to come at intervals of "between 3 and 5 minutes".
So this morning, when I arrived at Southwark tube station, I was only a little perturbed to see that there were delays.
"How bad are the delays on the Jubilee line?" I asked the station attendant loitering by the ticket gates.
"Oh, not too bad. Nothing to worry about."
"I'm going to Baker Street, would I be better off walking to Waterloo and catching the Bakerloo line?"
"No, no, get the Jubilee line."
So I went down the escalators into the award winning architecture of Southwark station and waited on the platform.
The first train took five minutes to arrive. It was so full no-one could get on.
The second train took a further seven minutes to arrive. It was also so full no-one could get on.
The third train took another six or so minutes to arrive and was, unsurprisingly, so full no-one could get on.
At this point I was a broken man, and so I waited the remaining four minutes for the next train to come.
It was so full no-one could get on.
At this point, I decided that enough was enough and went back upstairs to the ticket gates.
The station attendant let me out, but did not apologise or even look particularly surprised that I was still there, and then I walked to Waterloo, where I caught the Bakerloo line with nary a hitch.
Interesting side note:
Today is Wednesday. It is also the second day this week I have been late to work due to the crumbling nature of Britain's transport infrastructure.
Tune in same time, same place tomorrow for the next exciting installment of c-dub's public transport children's stories, The Little Tube Train That Could!
Just kidding. Of course it couldn't. |
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| Richard Herring discovers what powers the London Underground |
[Sep. 16th, 2003|06:08 pm] |
I don't usually base entire entries in this journal on links, but today I'm making an exception basically because I really wish I'd written the linked article and I'm hoping that by linking to it I will fool you, dear reader, into thinking that I did.
Go read this, and then read the rest of his Warming Up journal. He really is a very funny man. |
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| Yet More Public Transport Shenanigans |
[Jul. 7th, 2003|04:48 pm] |
Last Friday evening, I had the misfortune to be attempting to travel north from Kings Cross on the ironically named "Northern line".
Service was, of course, suspended due to the infamous "signal failure" and the tannoy was advising the use of "alternative routes". As I've experienced this kind of thing once or twice before, I knew of such an alternative, and went to ask one of the staff members milling about in the ticket hall if my ticket to Archway would be valid on buses.
"I think so," he said, and then helpfully added, "or you could go to Euston and take the other branch of the Northern Line from there."
Mistake Number 1
I should have said, "HAHAHA YOU CANNOT FOOL ME WITH YOUR FOUL LIES!" but what I in fact said was "Oh, is that branch still running?"
"Yes," he replied, it's only this branch that is suspended."
"Ok, thanks," I said, and made my way to the Victoria line. I then travelled one stop in basically the wrong direction and arrived at Euston, where a tannoy was announcing the suspension of the Northern line due to signal failure.
Resisting the urge to get right back on the Victoria line, return to Kings Cross and strangle the lying-son-of-a-bitch station attendant that had sent me on such a wild goose chase, I instead left the station to continue my original Plan B of getting the bus.
As luck would have it, my girlfriend, whom I had been planning to meet in Archway, had also been delayed by the mysterious signal failure and making contact via mobile phone, we decided to go for a meal and attempt to continue north-wards after.
We had delicious Thai food.
After the meal, my girlfriend suggested that instead of getting the hot, uncomfortable tube, we get the bus back to hers, which had the added advantage of dropping us off at the end of her street, instead of five minute's walk away.
Mistake Number 2
This sounded like a good idea, even though it negated the possibility that I'd get to have an argument with a station attendant about whether I could use my original ticket to get to Archway, and so we made our way to a nearby bus stop.
There we waited for about twenty minutes for a number 43 bus.
Mistake Number 3
Eventually, tired of waiting, we settled for a number 4 bus which would take us to Holloway Road where we could change and get the first bus that arrived up the hill.
It soon became clear that the bus driver had only learned to drive that very day, as his idea of driving was to alternate between slamming his foot on the accelerator, and occasionally, at apparently random intervals, slamming his foot on the brake.
Mistake Number 4
I had originally chosen to stand, to avoid having to lug my bag up and down the aisle, but after being nearly thrown off my feet for the fourth or so time in the first couple of hundred yards, I decided to go sit in the one remaining available seat on the bus, the seat behind my girlfriend's.
I lurched and stumbled up the aisle, and got to the seat at the same time the driver took the racing line around a sharp corner. I was tossed into the seat and for a moment felt relief that I'd got there in time. Then I felt something else. More a sort of damp feeling. In the arse area.
It was as I leapt up that I was hit by the smell of tramp piss, and as I stared at my soaked bottom in horror a Good Samaritan sitting across the aisle leaned over and said helpfully, "Oh... I think that seat's wet."
Resisting the urge to strangle her like I strangled that bastard station attendant, I stood for the rest of the journey (which was heavily detoured for some unexplained reason), until the bus driver eventually dropped us off at Holloway Road, and we decided to walk home after all. This walk was roughly three times the length of the walk from the tube station we had caught the bus to avoid. It was also uphill.
Finally home, I put my trousers in the washing machine, had a shower, and felt much happier.
Good times. |
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| Escalator Rant |
[May. 19th, 2003|01:47 pm] |
My girlfriend and I went to Brussels for the weekend a short while ago, and made an interesting discovery.
In Brussels, the escalators don't go until you within a couple of feet of them. They then start, and continue until a few seconds after you've stepped off.
It's very nifty, but a little bit disconcerting if you're used to escalators that move all the time.
I'd imagine.
I say, "I'd imagine," because one of these magical psychic escalators did not start up when we stood at the base of it, and we had to walk up. This brought home to me the fact that during my life, I've visited approaching twenty countries in four continents and yet the only places I've ever seen an escalator that's out of order are:
- Stations of the London Underground,
- This single, dormant escalator in Brussels.
In fact, I have walked up and down (or been detoured around) considerably more stationary escalators on the London Underground than I have visited countries. The escalators at Baker Street Station have been out of order for nigh on eighteen months now.
I'm not sure what point I'm trying to make here.
Please feel free to add your own broken escalator sightings in the Comments Section. |
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